doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
