I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
