p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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