smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize