Do you still have your period?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
