i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
