these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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