So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
