The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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