i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
