I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i drank out of a bidet.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
