can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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