Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We are all done wearing pants today
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
