if you like me you must not know who I am
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize