its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
