I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
