I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
