The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
