glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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