HIV tests are more positive than that guy
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
