Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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