i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
