They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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