Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
