They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
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Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
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it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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