Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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