I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize