Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
