new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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