Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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