ugly people sure do ruin things
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
