he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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