i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
