So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
