Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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