Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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