just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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