are you so shy because you have an std?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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