Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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