hell yes lets make some ravioli
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
