a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
