he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
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I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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