youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Someone came in the potted fern
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
