why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Mom said you looked used
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
