I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
