I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
