Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
