I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Barsexuality is the new black.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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