just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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