Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
