I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
as a side note pls kill me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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