I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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