i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
