I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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