no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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