If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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