she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
