yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
