Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize