I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
